Dear Jehovah: Who are You?

Dear Jehovah

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (or should I say thinking). I got many questions for you Jehovah.

 

I know you have provided answers for us in that book they call the Bible but truth be told; they at times not quite enough. I cannot do much feeling like this. Inadequate. I have done every possible thing there is to address how I feel but it seems as though it is not yet enough. I get like every time the hard core questions to life come to mind and swam me like bees to a thief. One very often asked question has to do directly with you-a number of them actually.

 

Who are you?

Well, this is perhaps the most useful and also the most hopeless of questions I being me can ever ask you. Why? Well, because it is both a believers’ power against disbelief in your right to rule not just the universe but also and very much his mind. Or his belief thereof…

The question of “who are you” is best left alone. But for my indulgence and mine alone; you God are Jehovah, the only true creator and master of the universe. You are He who we should address praises for the creations on the earth and the universe itself (Math 6:9). It once easy for me to live the question at that but then, as you well know; as we men grow we tend to do one of the following; leave the question, ask and get the answer, expand the answer( mostly for self-glory). I happened to be one of those who liked asking questions, getting the answer and expand upon it-mostly because it feels good to me. True to this preference ( I dare not say nature) I found myself asking the question: Besides the Biblical answers to this question-believe you me they are the most valuable answers-who is Jehovah?

I would very much love to goat and say I found the answer but verily I did not.

Instead of answers to his billion dollar question-literally- I got myself confronted by a horde of quite devilish questions I found myself not quite ready if not unwilling to answer. Is Jehovah a psychological invention of both the primarily single God worshiping Egyptians and Jews of old? Is he a desert peoples answer to a need to address  a need for a person powerful enough to enable them the strength found a homeland and protect them from forces sure enough in their power and ability to wipe them off the face of the Earth? Better still is he modern man’s so called powerful alien being who happened to decide to plant and a colony of feeble intelligence and leave it to grow as an un-attended experiment and then prove itself worthy enough to join the rest of universal civilization and intelligence very much alive out there in the universe?

 

I do not see any of the above questions of much interest to a true Christian. They can actually prove destructive but are they meant never to be asked?

Did the Devil plant them into this my brain and hoped they would be blasphemous enough for you to forsake me as you did Israel and therefore leave to die and perish as he himself is meant to? I do not know the answer to this but I do conclude that it is a question very much tormenting the minds of those who wish and are willing to serve no other Master of the Universe but you.

As for me; I do believe you are out there…I have verily seen you work in my short life. Not in miracles of cause but right in my heart, in my family and very much so in my congregation and the world as is. I have faced famine, eviction, hopelessness, some grief and mortal danger: all this only to find you mercifully pulling me through at the other side. I am looking forward to a world where you will rule directly and let me live the life you intended our father and mother Adam and Eve the day you declared all creations perfect. I not sure of my faith and abilities but should I so be found indeed fit, I will verily enjoy the New World.

 

I hope I do.        

Dear Jehovah: Who are You?

Dear Jehovah

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (or should I say thinking). I got many questions for you Jehovah.

 

I know you have provided answers for us in that book they call the Bible but truth be told; they at times not quite enough. I cannot do much feeling like this. Inadequate. I have done every possible thing there is to address how I feel but it seems as though it is not yet enough. I get like every time the hard core questions to life come to mind and swam me like bees to a thief. One very often asked question has to do directly with you-a number of them actually.

 

Who are you?

Well, this is perhaps the most useful and also the most hopeless of questions I being me can ever ask you. Why? Well, because it is both a believers’ power against disbelief in your right to rule not just the universe but also and very much his mind. Or his belief thereof…

The question of “who are you” is best left alone. But for my indulgence and mine alone; you God are Jehovah, the only true creator and master of the universe. You are He who we should address praises for the creations on the earth and the universe itself (Math 6:9). It once easy for me to live the question at that but then, as you well know; as we men grow we tend to do one of the following; leave the question, ask and get the answer, expand the answer( mostly for self-glory). I happened to be one of those who liked asking questions, getting the answer and expand upon it-mostly because it feels good to me. True to this preference ( I dare not say nature) I found myself asking the question: Besides the Biblical answers to this question-believe you me they are the most valuable answers-who is Jehovah?

I would very much love to goat and say I found the answer but verily I did not.

Instead of answers to his billion dollar question-literally- I got myself confronted by a horde of quite devilish questions I found myself not quite ready if not unwilling to answer. Is Jehovah a psychological invention of both the primarily single God worshiping Egyptians and Jews of old? Is he a desert peoples answer to a need to address  a need for a person powerful enough to enable them the strength found a homeland and protect them from forces sure enough in their power and ability to wipe them off the face of the Earth? Better still is he modern man’s so called powerful alien being who happened to decide to plant and a colony of feeble intelligence and leave it to grow as an un-attended experiment and then prove itself worthy enough to join the rest of universal civilization and intelligence very much alive out there in the universe?

 

I do not see any of the above questions of much interest to a true Christian. They can actually prove destructive but are they meant never to be asked?

Did the Devil plant them into this my brain and hoped they would be blasphemous enough for you to forsake me as you did Israel and therefore leave to die and perish as he himself is meant to? I do not know the answer to this but I do conclude that it is a question very much tormenting the minds of those who wish and are willing to serve no other Master of the Universe but you.

As for me; I do believe you are out there…I have verily seen you work in my short life. Not in miracles of cause but right in my heart, in my family and very much so in my congregation and the world as is. I have faced famine, eviction, hopelessness, some grief and mortal danger: all this only to find you mercifully pulling me through at the other side. I am looking forward to a world where you will rule directly and let me live the life you intended our father and mother Adam and Eve the day you declared all creations perfect. I not sure of my faith and abilities but should I so be found indeed fit, I will verily enjoy the New World.

 

I hope I do.        

Dear Jehovah

I am back into that

pit again. I will not lie to you(most likely to myself), I do believe I put myself into this mess I find myself in.

My father is dying, the house is dying-cracking little by little and quite very visibly.

 

My mother is oblivious to this but I am not. My father’s eye sight will never again come to life. The only hope I dreamed of the past two months is to have one of my eyes removed and given over to him to help him see: rejuvenate him. I have searching the net( you can choose whether or not to curse it) and I happened to stumble upon something, disappointing actually, that is that up to now the most used and most trusted eye donation out there involves not the whole eye but simply a mere one third of it. The human science has only developed enough confidence to transplant only the cornea of the human eye into other humans. Nothing more.

 

That given I am also confronted by another problem. The moral compass of a Jehovah’s Witness-there’s not many of us, is still very strongly governed by Old Testament Jewish law. It forbids the use of blood as food or anything else other than sacrifice unto the holy alter (Gen 9:3,4 and Lev 17:11,12). There is not much said about organ transplant but I still find it problematic to give out organs. My father needs an eye transplant, I need him to see, I need him to live again, I need my father back and not living this life he is living. And I need you to provide me avenues through which I can pursue this.

Otherwise I will forever be coming back to this pit; the pit where I never stop questioning my reason for existence, especially the presence of my ability to think, feel and be driven. I cannot help my father. How then can I hope to help this horrid world?

 

Please help me.

Dear Jehovah

I am back into that

pit again. I will not lie to you(most likely to myself), I do believe I put myself into this mess I find myself in.

My father is dying, the house is dying-cracking little by little and quite very visibly.

 

My mother is oblivious to this but I am not. My father’s eye sight will never again come to life. The only hope I dreamed of the past two months is to have one of my eyes removed and given over to him to help him see: rejuvenate him. I have searching the net( you can choose whether or not to curse it) and I happened to stumble upon something, disappointing actually, that is that up to now the most used and most trusted eye donation out there involves not the whole eye but simply a mere one third of it. The human science has only developed enough confidence to transplant only the cornea of the human eye into other humans. Nothing more.

 

That given I am also confronted by another problem. The moral compass of a Jehovah’s Witness-there’s not many of us, is still very strongly governed by Old Testament Jewish law. It forbids the use of blood as food or anything else other than sacrifice unto the holy alter (Gen 9:3,4 and Lev 17:11,12). There is not much said about organ transplant but I still find it problematic to give out organs. My father needs an eye transplant, I need him to see, I need him to live again, I need my father back and not living this life he is living. And I need you to provide me avenues through which I can pursue this.

Otherwise I will forever be coming back to this pit; the pit where I never stop questioning my reason for existence, especially the presence of my ability to think, feel and be driven. I cannot help my father. How then can I hope to help this horrid world?

 

Please help me.

Without you

Life the sticky mess poems and everything.

I try to sleep
Without your hand
I try to close these mine eyes
Without your lips
Carasing my heart
Without your beat
Beating
Calming this my soul;
Helping me
Bringing me bliss,
Singing softy,
Ever so softly
Tenderly;
Ever so tenderly.
I try to dream you,
I imagine you;
Envision you
But soon run out of stregnth
God!
Finding someone like you is futile
You are every thing to me
Your love is my drug
Your smile my eleaxer
And your hand my life.
Should you decide to
Leave
I’ll die.

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The other

My palms are sweaty

I feel as if I am swimming

I’m drowning

Every thing’s all over

I can’t feel anything…

Damn him, he’s coming

Doesn’t he ever get it;

I hate him,

He is filth

Nothing

Never to be anything any where

Any how

Damn him!

My breath is deep within,

My eyes,

If I still have any,

Are fixed

My head’s swimming

I’m suffocating

Here he comes.

God; will he ever tire

I do not feel

Never will

Oh God!

She’s waiting,

Must I go to her

What am I to say

Oh how I wish I hadn’t

It’s all too much!

Look at him

He is standing there

Mouth gaping

Wild eyed

Filth!

My throat

It is tired; dry!

Painfully embarrassing!

God!

I rue the day I was born

Love!

Speak

You wasting my time

Damn him!

What am I to do now;

Must I be the one who speaks

“I… I love you”

“So what if you do!”

“I don’t know”

“Typical!”

“What made you come anyway”

“Love”

“ Love.”

“I despise that word

Especially if it is from

Somebody who’s a nobody like you.”

“Well I despise such words

From a women

We expect love and respect

Even if you do hate me

Respect me!

It’s not much to ask.”

“Look at you

You are hardly worth twenty cents

You stink, you don’t bath

Yet you profess love to me”

“At least I am being sincere

I hide not behind them fancy

Fancy clothes

Nor do I hide my eyes

You can see them

You see me for who I am.”

As if I care what he thinks,

Even if I did love him a little

How am I to present such

A thing to mother:

My father and his cattle!

You are considering

I know you are

You can’t hide such from me.

Look at him

He’s now a shrink.

Who gave him that much bravery

I wish he just fall down and die.

I am baffled

What am I to say.

She is looking at me.

Her eyes

They are too much

Beautiful

But full of hate

Hate mingled with fear

A spark of love

I hate myself

I am trying my best

Rather it be this way.

He’s somehow charming

No! Stop that you doing

Love or no love he’s charming

Lovable!

Love!

Yes my sweet heart

Did you not see it at first;

That your precious heart is mine

Mine to love to love cherish and to hold

Protect honor and nourish

Did you not see that it can overcome

That your minding

I am wining

No I am getting lovable

Oh the word.

I wish I wasn’t here.

Mother is going to kill me,

No, hang me by the toe.

This is filth

Lovable, irresistible, persistent, brave filth:

A man I could I could love.

“Yes I can see that

You love me but

You despise that which

I am

What difference does that make

Am I not a man!

Yes, is he not a man

Why should I care what my parents say:

To hell with friends

They…

“friends can’t give you what I can

If… dare not say

But love is better than that which money

Might offer

For it remedies wounds.

Money can only make life a bit bearable,

That is all it can do”

He is a man!

He is Gold and he is right.

A man like this is hard to find

I am Connered.

Such words I have never encountered.

Such character I have never seen.

A brave kind of filth,

Speaking right into my heart:

Not my clothing,

Not my body.

No

But to my heart, my fragile hopeless and pride but broken wreck of a heart.

Building it as he speaks

Feeling me without touch

He sees me

And I him.

I am confused.

She is out of her shell.

She better remember how to breath

I love her eyes

I hope the hope I see in her is mine.

Ours.

My heart,

It is pounding

I am sweaty

My heart is softening

My body is betraying me

I am sweating all over

What am I to do

I hate this man

Why must I love him

Why must he love me

He is filth

He is nothing

Look at him!

Boy am I in for a treat.

This is beautiful, lovely

I must have been in for this a long time ago;

She loves me!

Stupid man

Why can you not see the problems

You touched my heart

I love you, you filth

Now move my soul.